Reader Submission
1. Hang around with absolute bell ends and smoke ice
2. Argue with bar owners why you are the right person, try and drink for 12 hours so you have enough balls to confront them by messenger at 6 am
3. Tell them about your experience in lots of boring companies, make sure you list all the skills, experience that isn’t relevant.
4. Attack businesses owners online that won’t employ you
5. Leave bad reviews if they won’t give you a job
6. Harrass them for years to ensure that you won’t get a job
7. Offer to beat people up for a job
8. Make sure you say what you really think on social media about everything and anything
9. Show them that you don’t take no for an answer and make sure it gets personal
10. Make sure you let them know that you have no sense of humour, get real serious about the issues at hand
11. Make sure you get offended about being rejected and make sure they know you are offended, they need you to confirm their judgement.
12. Name drop a bunch of losers
13. Tell them how unfair your last 11 employers have been this last year
14. Tell them you know where they are going wrong and how you can change everything
15. Borrow money around town and don’t pay your bills
16. Make sure you share lots of tragic events on social media and let them know how mentally weak you are
17. Get as drunk as you can before you attend any interviews
18. Never turn up to the first few interviews
19. Keep applying once you return home after a trip
20. Negotiate hard about salary before the interview starts
21. Know as little about the bars as possible
22. Turn up stinking of BO and at all social meetings
23. Cause a few scenes in the bars and let them know how decent you are for leaving when asked
24. Tell them you are married with 3 children and are looking to settle down
25. Tell them you are only doing it for the money and you’re not interested in playing around
26. Tell them how rich you are and how you don’t need to work, they will know how unmotivated you will be
27. Tell them your jealous gf/wife requires to be at the bar working to check on you.
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